Spouse Confesses to Finding Partner Unattractive on Initial Encounter, Struggles to Comprehend Her Hurt Feelings
In relationships, many keep secrets to protect their privacy or for the betterment of their bond. However, honesty remains the backbone of trust. Yet, it's not always necessary to share every single thought, fear, or dream that floats across one's mind. Sometimes, your personal junk might be best left unsaid.
One gentleman learned this lesson the hard way after a boozy evening that ruined his marriage. He vámedosly shared with everyone, including his wife, that he found her repulsive the first time they slept together. To his confusion, the blunder caused a stir years later. This guy isn't suggesting you maintain secrets to deceive, but rather that some thoughts are best kept to oneself, especially when they're outdated and irrelevant.
Relationships aren't therapy sessions where you spill everything, good or bad. There's a line between confidentiality and secrecy. Privacy refers to your individual boundaries, while secrecy means hiding something. Experts say it's okay to keep secrets, but secrecy can be dangerous when it turns into deceit. If you're considering sharing your innermost thoughts, first consider the motivation behind your words. Is it to connect, heal, or hurt? If it's the latter, tread carefully. Words can either bring you closer or drive a wedge between you.
So, when should you keep your yap shut? If what you say will only create doubt, jealousy, or shame or if it changes nothing, helps no one, and only serves your own relief, it might be best to stick a cork in it. But if that thing on your mind affects their choices, well-being, or emotional safety, then they deserve to know. Remember, secrets are only useful when they come from a place of care rather than fear. Privacy is essential, and every individual has a right to it—even in a relationship.
Some comments can cut like a knife, and there's no turning back once the damage is done
Image credits: Julia Taubitz / unsplash (not the actual photo)
For some people, it was when their partner admitted being revolted by them the first time they were intimate
Image credits: gaspar zaldo / unsplash (not the actual photo)
In high-quality relationships, secrecy can sometimes be less harmful, especially if it protects the relationship from unnecessary stress or conflict. However, honesty and transparency are crucial foundations for building and maintaining trust. Image credits: Rodrigo Rodrigues / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It's easy to mistake stress management for deception, but these are two different things. Secrets kept to avoid hurt or preserve trust are not the same as hiding behavior that could affect the relationship negatively. Image credits: Shlomi Glantz / unsplash (not the actual photo)
[1] Personalized Secret-Keeping in Relationships. (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2023, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/becoming-cheater/201711/personalized-secret-keeping-relationships
[2] Manufacturing Intimacy. (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2023, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/communication-and-conflict/stop-sharing-every-single-thought-it-could-harm-your-relationship/
[3] Should You Keep Secrets in a Healthy Relationship? (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-and-drawbacks-of-secrecy-in-relationships-5243711
[4] Honesty vs. Deceit: Navigating Confidentiality in Relationships. (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/the-life-saver-guy-stops-lying-but-continues-to-deceive-3757093
[5] The Benefits and Drawbacks of Secrets in Relationships. (n.d.). Retrieved April 21, 2023, from here
Image Credits- Julia Taubitz / unsplash (not the actual photo)- gaspar zaldo / unsplash (not the actual photo)- Rodrigo Rodrigues / unsplash (not the actual photo)- Shlomi Glantz / unsplash (not the actual photo)- Marcos Paulo Prado / unsplash (not the actual photo)- The Chaffins / unsplash (not the actual photo)- Aleksandra Sapozhnikova / unsplash (not the actual photo)- Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
- While maintaining complete transparency can foster trust in a relationship, it is essential to know when to keep certain thoughts and feelings to oneself, especially when they might cause harm, create doubt, or bring unnecessary stress and conflict.
- In high-quality relationships, secrets aren't always a cause for concern, especially if they are kept to preserve the relationship from unnecessary scrutiny or conflict. However, honesty and open communication remain crucial foundations for building trust and emotional safety.
- When considering whether to share a personal secret, it's wise to evaluate the motivations behind your words. Secrets shared with the intention to connect, heal, or build trust can be beneficial, but secrets used to deceive or hurt can harm relationships.
