Overindulgence in Pleasing Others at Work: The Unseen Expense of Being a Pushover
In an insurance property adjusting firm, the arrival of siblings Jack and Jill has stirred a wave of discontent among the employees. Their excessive people-pleasing, often taking on extra work without complaint, has raised concerns that they are acting like "suck-ups" to their bully supervisor, a behavior reminiscent of victims of domestic abuse.
This behavior, known as fawning, is a trauma survival response, particularly common in people who have endured coercion or abuse where compliance was necessary to avoid harm. In workplace settings, it can manifest as excessive compliance, difficulty asserting oneself, and fear of confrontation.
For those exhibiting fawning behavior, saying "no" can be difficult. They often avoid setting boundaries, accept blame or criticism unfairly, and minimize their own needs or feelings to avoid conflict or displeasing others. This people-pleasing strategy, aimed at appeasing others and staying safe, often results in blurred boundaries and difficulty asserting one's needs.
To help someone exhibiting fawning behavior in this context, it's crucial to first recognize and validate their behavior as a trauma response, not weakness or mere "niceness." Understanding that fawning is a coping mechanism developed to survive past trauma is key.
- Recognize and validate their behavior.
- Encourage self-awareness by gently helping them notice patterns of people-pleasing and boundary avoidance.
- Support boundary-setting skills in small, manageable steps.
- Provide emotional safety and reassurance.
- Recommend professional support such as trauma-informed counseling or therapy.
- Promote empowerment within the workplace by encouraging them to seek fair compensation, recognition, and to speak up about workload concerns.
For managers or coworkers, creating and maintaining a psychologically safe and respectful work culture is essential. This culture discourages toxic power dynamics and enables open, honest communication without retaliation.
Friends, family, and coworkers can also help people-pleasers by asking if they are okay, offering support, and inviting reflection. The key to helping people-pleasers is to validate their survival instinct while inviting reflection on their values and boundaries.
Dennis Beaver, a lawyer, recommends the book "Fawning" for business majors, HR consultants, managers, and families. The book discusses the harmful behavior of excessive people-pleasing and offers strategies for addressing it in various contexts.
As the situation with Jack and Jill continues to unfold, the employees are considering quitting due to the toxic work environment their behavior has created. It's a reminder that addressing fawning behavior is not just about helping individuals, but also about fostering a healthier, more respectful workplace for everyone.
- Jack and Jill's behavior at the insurance property adjusting firm can be associated with the trauma survival response of fawning, common among individuals who have endured coercion or abuse.
- To help Jack and Jill, it's important to first recognize and validate their behavior as a coping mechanism, not weakness, and encourage self-awareness.
- To support their personal growth, provide emotional safety, and help them set boundaries in small, manageable steps.
- It's also crucial to address the underlying toxic work environment and advocate for a psychologically safe and respectful culture within the firm.
- Additionally, managers, coworkers, friends, and family can play a role in supporting individuals exhibiting fawning behavior by validating their survival instincts, offering support, and inviting reflection on their values and boundaries.
- As a resource, Dennis Beaver, a lawyer, recommends the book "Fawning" for business majors, HR consultants, managers, and families, which offers strategies for addressing excessive people-pleasing in various contexts.
