Living the Single Life Successfully: 5 Key Strategies for Prospering Alone
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In the heart of British Columbia, the Singlehood Experiences and Complexities Underlying Relationships (SECUR) lab at Simon Fraser University is shedding light on the lives of single adults in their 20s and 30s. The lab's research focuses on understanding when single and coupled people can thrive and be happy, challenging the traditional narrative that being single is a less fulfilling life choice.
Motivation and Emotional Readiness
Research shows that young adults who approach relationships with intrinsic, positive reasons—interest in enjoyment and life goals, for example—tend to be more ready to engage in partnerships when they choose to, whereas those motivated by avoiding negative feelings often struggle with relationships or benefit from time spent single for personal growth.
Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
Thriving single young adults often use this time to explore their identity, values, and aspirations without external pressure. They engage in activities like journaling, learning new skills, therapy, and setting healthy boundaries, which increase self-confidence and self-love.
Reducing Social Stigma and Shame
Overcoming societal shame associated with singlehood allows individuals to focus on their own development rather than social expectations. Embracing singlehood as a time for reflection and healing contributes to thriving.
Strong Social Bonds
Although romantic relationships impact well-being, having warm, meaningful connections with friends, family, and community is crucial. These bonds predict long-term happiness, health, resilience, and cognitive functioning, offering social support independent of romantic partnerships.
Age-Related Context
In their 30s, young adults often face more constraints like parenting or career demands, so thriving singlehood may also involve balancing these responsibilities with cultivating meaningful relationships and self-care.
The Canadian Context
Despite society in Canada continuing to focus heavily on coupling, marriage, and having children, the proportion of 20- to 34-year-olds who are not in such relationships has increased from 50.5% in 1996 to 60.3% in 2021. In 2021, 59.8% of 25- to 29-year-olds and 37.6% of 30- to 34-year-olds in Canada reported not being in a married or common-law relationship. The average age of marriage in Canada has increased by almost eight years since the 1970s, to 31.2 years old in 2020 from 23.3 years old in 1971.
Negative Stereotypes and Exclusion
Single people often feel excluded, left out, and pitied for being single, which can undermine their well-being. Single people may face negative stereotypes, such as being seen as selfish, heartless, loners, or antisocial.
Delaying Commitment
Many people in their 20s and 30s are delaying decisions about committed relationships. Singlehood among young adults in Canada has been steadily increasing.
Embracing Singlehood
As people approach their 40s, they are happier with being single. Secure single people, who feel comfortable trusting and depending on close relationships, report the highest levels of life satisfaction and emotion regulation skills.
In summary, thriving singlehood results from intrinsic relationship motivations, intentional self-growth, healthy social support networks, and emotional readiness to be single rather than being single due to external pressures or avoidance of self-work. Being single in one's 20s and 30s can be a prominent time for self-development, careers, aspirations, and relationships with family, friends, and community. These are important building blocks to a happy life, regardless of whether people lead their lives single or choose to partner.
Whereas individuals with intrinsic reasons for approaching relationships tend to thrive during their singlehood, those motivated by avoiding negative feelings often benefit from the time spent single to focus on self-reflection, personal growth, and self-development.
A happy life, whether single or coupled, can be built through embarking on a journey of education-and-self-development, exploring identity, values, and aspirations, and engaging in activities that lead to personal growth and strong social bonds.
